Managing Pre-marital Expectations in Marriage

Unrealized premarital expectation is one of the major reasons for early issues in marriage.

Most of us had fantasies about the married life and created in our minds the kind of person our ideal spouse should be long before we met them. As valid as these expectations may be, the unfortunate thing is that some of them are never discussed going into the marriage. We just assume that our spouses know these things and are on board with them since they profess to love us.

Then we get married and realize there are certain things we expect our spouses to be that they do not expect themselves to be.

For instance, a man who has been hyped by friends and relatives that to be married means to have someone always cook your meals meets a woman whose turn-on is a man who can cook. If they must stay together in happiness, their expectations of each other in this area must be reviewed in love and in the context of their marriage.

Unrealized premarital expectations of marriage, if not managed, will create conflict and loneliness in the early days of marriage.

The thing about marital conflict is it is not who your spouse is in the marriage that

makes you mad; it is who you expect them to be that they are not.

Expectations in themselves are not bad as they create excitement and desire going into the marriage. However, they need to be bible-based and must be constantly reviewed to remain realistic in the context of our marriage. This is because even when we agree, Life happens, and certain things are just not realistic at certain times.

Achieving this will require us to keep the communication line open every step of the way and remain sensitive to the feelings of each other.